10th April 2018
So you think you are in love – but Romantic love can go as quickly as it can come. What feels so amazing is the rush of Dopamine that the body makes which is the hormone which regulates our emotional responses and enables us to take action to move towards pleasure.
The energy can feel super sexually charged and delicious. This is where it is easy to project onto the object of your desire – you see them through rose-coloured glasses and your mind begins to work overtime with the fantasies and desires that you would like to explore with them….
And you may well move into sampling these pleasures…. but be careful. Have you heard of the ‘Honeymoon’ phase – the lush phase when you first meet – this is when your dopamine is high and you are living in this ‘feel good’ place. As time progresses, this falls away and you begin to see the object of your affection in a more realistic light.
Hopefully, by this time, after all the great sex, you will find out that they are actually a nice person, with similar interests to you, who you want to spend time with; someone who you would choose as a friend. However, the opposite could be true and you may be flabbergasted to find how quickly ‘love’ can turn into dislike and repulsion.
After countless repeatedly failed relationships, you may be left questioning “Well what is Love anyway?”
So here’s the secret – Love is a state of Being which you become. It has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else; it is not something someone else can give you. It is an energetic state which you open to. Once you have opened to it, you are it! You are a Source of Love; emitting love, overflowing with loving energy which others can tangibly feel, absorb and be nourished by.
Once you know yourself as the Source of Love, this becomes your foundational state. No one can take it away from you. It does not come and go. It is who you are. Isn’t that great! It is like having access to a permanent dopamine ‘feel good’ high!
So, what about sex. Many people get confused when sexual energy arises between themselves and another. Firstly, please know that feeling sexual energy, does not mean that you have to have sex. It just means that there is something that your soul’s want to explore with each other for the purpose of soul expansion and creation.
Often, just using the energy to have sex, without bringing consciousness to why sexual energy is arising, can kill the energy as you mix it up with personal feelings: ego’s get hurt as old fear’s like abandonment, jealousy and betrayal arise.
What I recommend is slowing down – even taking penetrative sex off the table initially.
Be curious as to why the energy is present between you. Explore it gently together; communicate, feel, share. Do not be scared of the sexual energy. There are beautiful tantric techniques to play with and explore sexual energy in a gentle way: sharing tantric massages, eye gazing, boundary work, sexual healing practices such as yoni and lingam massage, sacred spot work, tantric breath work etc….
This allows you to feel safe, to build up trust, to get to know the other; see if you do indeed have similar interests; can you develop a good friendship based on trust and mutual love and support beyond physical sex?
It allows you to explore what the creative spark of the soul wishes to uncover and explore with the other, which extends far deeper than just physical sex.
As Ben-LifeChanger put it: “When two people feel deeply attracted on a sexual level, It means they are awakening a divine creative power within – you can choose to use this energy to create new levels of awareness within and outside of you, or you can expend it on a sexual act. Sexual energy is us just longing for our reconnection with that union of a timeless infinity within ourselves where all of creation is born.”
I am lucky enough to have friends of the opposite sex with whom I share sexual energy with and yet, do not have a penetrative sex with. I love exploring what the attraction is and seeing how it unfolds.
With one, it is a sharing of sexual healing work and building up trust between male and female in the knowing that it is possible to share and support sexually without taking/grabbing. It is sharing of the love of nature physically and as nature in our bodies.
With another, it is a beautiful playful relationship where our bodies love to tumble, wrestle, dance and make contact – we fully embrace the sexual energy we hold together, letting it rise and fall as we play. When it rises, of course, there is the option to take it into sex; but we have not done this, instead we ride this wave, enjoying the more intense connection in how our bodies play with this energy and then let it naturally fall and soften into the next wave – which may not be sexual at all.
I am grateful that we allow the energy to rise and fall – it allows us to stay connected. If we had gone into physical sex, we probably would have both orgasmed and that may have been the end of our play – maybe.
I am not saying that it has to be this way. This is the way it is for me right now. Because most of us are conditioned into feeling sexual energy and moving into penetrative sex, we miss all the nuances of getting to know ourselves and each other. We miss hearing the unique, subtle voice of the creative spark as it wishes to express and unfold between us.
There may well be one day when I have built up enough trust in my body to be able to move into penetrative sex straight away without losing my connection with the other – but I am not there yet. I am having far too much fun exploring the in between!